Ya'know being a baker is.. crumby. Oh yeah sure the dough may not be too terrible but I knead more. Eh.. eh heh.. baker humor you see, aren't I on a roll? Okay that joke just expired, let's move on. At the end of July this year raises were given out. Across the whole company regardless of position so long as you hadn't received any other raise in the previous six months. The company itself is actually doing really well, and to celebrate their success they decided to cut raises in half, make it nearly impossible to receive full bonus while at the same time making the bonus smaller for the most part and get rid of all but two of the time and a half holidays. I wondered what they would have done if we weren't doing so well, they probably would have killed us. In short when I saw my raise two words came out of my mouth "cheap bastards". It was the second smallest raise I ever received in my life, the first was when I was a teenager.
Well it stirred something in me. I don't know what it was really. Quite frankly my life is crap, and has been crap for years. I was resigned to failure and just waiting for it to finally finish me off in one of many potential and still very probable ways. Dare I say, I hoped it would. So it was strange that I cared at all. Maybe it was just a little too much insult to add to injury, which begot some sort of perfect emotional storm. Or maybe I still have some shred of pride left buried under an avalanche of self loathing and defeat. But opening that check registered a blip on the care-o-meter. Then next few days it simmered on low. Mostly I was just disenchanted, or better to say more disenchanted. But then it became a roiling boil. Apathy became anger, resignation became rage. Basically something like this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT9ue7-yG1k
Of course I knew still that I was a mess physically, or maybe more of a wasteland. My mental state was for sure bordering on schizophrenic as well. Plus I didn't have any good skills, job's like guys with skills. I doubted I could find anything better paying, nor did I have the fortitude to handle a second job. So I started looking online for simple ways to try and make a supplemental income. I did this everyday, and I still do it everyday. And I found some. Some more promising than others. Internet marketing or affiliate marketing being the one I thought held the most promise. You see I may bake, but I'm really not a baker. I am a basic tech geek. Even when I was in practice though my skills not optimal in any category. And now more so, but I can also write a little, and even make a little artwork. All are skills I can draw upon in affiliate marketing. Many things have I been attempting to learn, and slow has been my progress. The more I learn the less I know. It get's harder, this is not easy. But at the same time the difficulty gives me hope that this is something real and attainable should I continue my quest to learn it. My goal is to not have to be a baker anymore by around this time next year. Everyday I try to do a little and learn a little and my days off are spent almost entirely in front of a computer trying to figure this stuff out. Wish me luck.
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